The power of vulnerability

 

The willingness to do something where there are no guarantees (Brown, 2020, 09.31) is how adults create learning spaces for themselves. This is different from the spaces where kids are for they do not have choice, unless a teacher uses that as a behaviour modification technique (Zhou & Brown, 2015). My narrative is my own learning space currently.

I chose to be a part of a project that took leap of faith to be there. Right after joining, I could see that the experience holds a challenge that I have never faced before. All my learning styles were stretched to the brim with this goal. The experiences were many and varied and the process of assimilation leading to accommodation was hard (Orey, 2010, pp.38).  I was to convince a team of EdTech enthusiasts with no experience in developing math curriculum about the basic principles of designing a curriculum and launch their project within 3 months.

If we are the constructors of our own knowledge, then it is up to us how to construct it! This is my main take away from Piaget (Orey, 2010, pp.35). I realized soon that this is an uphill task and had to step back again and again, reflect and reconstruct the schema of the situation. I was falling into negativity born out of fear and insecurity.

Provided with appropriate support at the right moments, we should be able to achieve tasks that are otherwise too difficult (Orey, 2010, pp.49). For me the support was my boss who was very clear that my insights had to be brought in to the system. However he also believed in the value of community to enhance the level of work created by the full system (Orey, 2010, pp.48). This is where my handicap of inter personal skills became a blocker for all. The system and I wanted to work with each other but we could not. My boss used behaviorist techniques to promote behavior in me that is desirable and discourage that which is not (Zhou & Brown, 2015, pp.7). He tried everything from supporting me, to changing the managers to sidelining me in the system.

Finally it is when I was sidelined that I discovered my best was showing through by engaging in multiple projects at one go without being in a single team. I found that meeting individuals of multiple teams kept my mind engaged and I felt challenged enough. It is this that is building new schemas as I am assimilating the whole experience for it is giving me a lot of space to reflect. I wonder why I pushed myself to work in a team when my approach is to keep moving and stay free in work and life. I feel very vulnerable right now for I work alone, yet it feels the right way to be. I realized that the way to live is with vulnerability and to stop controlling and predicting (Brown, 2020, 10.35). I have a long way to go to accept my own choice in life to be alone and de-condition myself from goals given by the society but I am on my way.