Kolb's in my Life!

My whole life is lived experientially, as (Kolb, 1984) I move to new experiences, gather resources to grow and then evolve further. With age, I am able to do this much better and with greater rationality. In this reflective piece, I am writing about an experience that devastated me recently.

 

Concrete Experience: “what I did” 

I set up a team for the company as we awaited the arrival of the new boss. He is the Vice President (VP), I am the Director with Associates under me. We all were excited with his coming. The VP arrived and with a rolling of multiple circumstances, decided that I am not the person that he wants in the team. He wanted to work directly with the associates. Behind my back, he carefully collected against me to give to the management and if it wasn’t for the top management, he would have got me fired.

My mistake?

I trusted him as all the other leaders in the organization are individuals with a sense of integrity. What was worse that part of my team also went against me, the ones I always pushed to do better.

What was worse was my attachment to the team and the work we did. Those made me also try to fight and fight dirty. But since that is not my key strength, I lost the battle, got burnt out and moved out of the team leaving it all for him. My colleagues told me to take a break which I did and then come back and work anew.

 

Reflective Observations

I wonder at humanity. I wonder how the high rise executives play so dirty. I also wonder why I got so attached to the team. I wonder if I should have stepped away the moment he came so he had a free run of the set up. Maybe he felt threatened by my presence and needed some space. I also wonder why I expect in a corporate life people of the kind you meet in academia. These are ruthless climbers and would not tolerate anyone challenging them.

 

Abstract Conceptualization

After numerous reflections and conversation with colleagues, I realized a simple thing – I take too much on my shoulders, give my life to a job and then expect positive results. When I do not get that, I react. Over work also burns me out. I am unhappy for I am not able to work deeply. I was on the verge of burning out when he entered and so did not have the energy to stay positive or to see clearly. What I learnt hence, was I need to invest in self care.

I also realized that I need to be respectful to colleagues in order to have good relationships that help me to have a clean footing in the organization that the VP cannot break my place.

Further, I need a life beyond work, even though we are in a lockdown, and not be so involved in work that I forget my life. I have to create capacity (Rampton, 2021) in my emotions in order to stand the pressures that come from corporate life. I need to understand emotional intelligence as a set of skills but also a variable (Rampton, 2021). I need to understand emotional intelligence in my context and implement it and not as a theory or a set of principles.

 

Application 

To work on my workaholic nature, I have decided not to check the official communication channel, Slack, on weekends. I am also switching it off post work hours. Since the temptation is to check it frequently, I have removed the app from my phone and on the laptop, I sign out of the account.

I will be focusing a lot more on my course with UoP as studying and writing gives me a deep sense of fulfilment. I will also be more involved with the peers’ work and the group assignment.

I am reviving my math learning with a friend who is sending me TED talks which I listen and then write my thoughts and then we have discussions.

In work, I will help as much as possible in my own zone of creative space. But I am now cutting down the calls I receive from all over to intervene. I have been at centre stage and now am inching on the sidelines. This would affect my growth up the ladder in the organization but if I do not invest much of me, I will not be hurt if I do not get anything out of it.

I am insecure for my sidelining myself may lead to me being laid off. So I have decided to watch my expenses and save as much as possible

Meditation is my base and when I lose it, I lose it all. I will stay connected to the universal intelligence through some tool or the other but would stay connected.

Concrete Experience

It is a struggle as a number of old habits are being changed. But each day I act, reflect and then modify my direction. There are days when I spring back to old habits and I realized that happens by end of the week. So I take a break between Sundays. I also feel very unsure after meetings. So I have decided to give breaks between meetings to recoup. And finally, I am brushing my social media account so something new may come by!





Kolb, D.A. (1984). Experiential learning: experience as the source of learning and development. Englewood Cliffs, NJ: Prentice Hall