Working with Vulnerability

What is it to Be Vulnerable?

A lot of us are not taught how to express our emotions at home or in school. School, by its very structure, expects everyone to toe the line. To stand out is risky! To expose one’s emotions at the risk of being rejected is very hard for most of us. “Vulnerabilityis basically uncertainty, risk and emotional exposure”. We avoid it and try to connect to others while wanting them to like us. There lies the conflict that leads to wavering relationships.

What Gets in The Way?

“Vulnerabilityis the core of shame and fear and our struggle for worthiness”. We live a strange life curve. As a child we are applauded for all emotions for we look cute, but as we grow, the same emotional expression provokes the adults to ask us to grow up. As our sense of worthiness relies on the adults, we condition ourselves to behave in a way that is approved of by the community that we belong to.  And since “…vulnerability is the core of shame and fear and our struggle for worthiness”, (Brown), it would be hard to expose oneself unless the sense of worthiness is deep.

“The more afraid we are, the more vulnerable we are, the more afraid we are”, (Brown). This is a vicious circle. One that we have not learnt to break even as we grow. The social structure, applauding the ones who are tough, does not give space for the vulnerable streaks to show through. Unless something happens that creates a kind of awakening in us, we go on in our lives, playing it safe.

We want to connect to others and yet we are afraid of being rejected. This inner conflict causes outer disturbances and we try to balance not being hurt with being connected. Yet true relationships are based on emotional honesty and hence, capacity to expose ourselves as we are.

How is it Useful in Intercultural Understanding?

In one of the classes that I taught in, I had students from different parts of India and then some from Australia, Britain and Korea. Initially, I was numb, for I had no clue how to even begin preparing for them! I have been a very friendly teacher but I had no idea how and where to set boundaries with the non-Indian students. I faced a culture shock, that is, an “… emotional disorientation characterized by feelings of shock andanxiety”. 

“I do not know isan immense possibility. Only when you realize ‘I do not know’, the longing, theseeking, and the possibility of knowing arise” (Sadhguru,). And that’s how I started, by saying ‘I have no clue’ and facing it. Since I did not know about the cultures, I spoke to some expat colleagues and went online to find out about the do’s and don’ts of the countries in question. I learnt a lot of common issues and some uncommon.

“People experience tremendous personal growth when they are facing vulnerability, (Munoz). Facing someone from a completely different culture is a situation that brings out latent anxieties for it pushes us out of our comfort zone of the ‘known culture’. When you face them with a fresh mind, a mind that is in a state of readiness to learn, it is a great space to grow.

Education is a human intensive field. It is based on the quality of connections that we can build with ourselves and others. We need to learn to connect with ourselves for “the hard part of the one thing that keeps us out of connection is our fear that we're not worthy of connection”, (Brown). If we don’t work on our sense of worthiness, connecting with others is hard. And “connection is why we're here. It's what gives purpose and meaning to our lives”, (Brown). hence it would not be possible to be an educator in the widest possible way without knowing how to connect. To connect is “to let ourselves be seen, deeply seen, vulnerably seen”, (Brown).

Conclusion

Writing this assignment on vulnerability has been a living experience in being vulnerable. I had to express my emotions and expose them for assessment by 3 peers from different cultures. There is fear, hope and ‘being vulnerable. I did not allow myself to “… numb vulnerability”, (Brown).